I disappeared from my blog writing a few weeks ago. I can’t count how many times I sat in front of the screen with absolutely no words, to write about traveling or writing.
It is now 1:30 a.m. and I opened my eyes a few minutes ago from a deep sleep. My first thought was oh no, not now! Now is the time to open my blog page and write? This is crazy! But here I am sitting at my desk, with warm purple socks, a flowered silk bathrobe, eating crackers, and my reading glasses on the tip of my nose.
I laugh as I write this realizing that I stopped sharing anything new on my blog, because I was writing, reading and preparing for travel in the near future. I am almost finished with my first book that will be available on Amazon. I asked myself tonight, “Why is this book not finished and available to my readers and what is taking me so long?”
At 1:45 a.m. I have my answer. You see, my writing is available in many places around the web. It is in little bits, here and little bits there, on podcasts and videos. It is my imperfect little life shared in snippets. Publishing my life in a book is different for me, because it is my life wrapped within one location. It is made up of some of my writing that already exists online, but many pages are from my journal. They are my personal thoughts, feelings and my journey in life.
The pages are about my internal quest and heart as I seek God with all of my being. They are about me as I work through forgiveness, crying, grieving, and laughing, in my everyday life. They are pages of my search to survive as I search, read and pray. They are written to encourage others to walk through their personal quest.
I finish my middle of the night thoughts by asking myself one question; “Am I ready to allow others to see the inside of my heart and mind?”
Tonight I realize that my hesitation to publish is really not about my readers and if they will accept this book or even if it will be a success. Instead it is about, “Am I ok with me?” My answer is yes. This is who I am, and when daylight arrives, I will be ready to click the publish key.
It is to late to turn back now…
To be continued