The Tear, Sliding Down My Cheek

How can we serve you?

It was a long week this week. Filled with walks for exercise to stay healthy. The Covid19, news everywhere, attending an afternoon workshop on the topic of Immigration Law & Policy, and the daily leadership requirements of Relationships of the Heart for Leaders.

BUT

After a long week, I am writing to you my friends, and it is 2:38 a.m. in the morning.

Go ahead ask the question, “Why are you writing this blog post at 2:38 am? The answer is simple. I was sooooo very busy on Friday, I did not have a cup of coffee until mid evening.

My plan was to have one cup, but I continued to slowly sip more than one, and here I am writing to you.

Lately, I am struggling a bit as a writer. It’s not because, I am experiencing writer’s block, or that I do not have the time.

It is because, I am working on a book, that is difficult to place on paper. It is the stark truth, about living in a mid size city.

The difficulty is, the truth on the underside of the city is beginning to surface. It is the underside of a city, that has been submerged under a pile of denial for years.

AND NOW

there is a big part of the story, that I will not need to share or write about.

Why? Because it is no longer hidden. It is in the news, online,and it is tearing apart families.

Homicide, guns, stabbing, drugs, alcohol, theft, abuse, committed by the young and the old.

Amongst the new buildings, parks, festivals, committees, and promotions, the homeless walk, ride bikes, and some carry backpacks.  The young and the old.

They silently walk in and out of all that shines, and promotes beauty. Many have a tired look on their faces, but they continue on.

As for me, I continue to work on my book, and one day, the full story will be revealed.

One woman, who arrived in a city many years ago. She began her journey in the city, in the corporate world, and eventually became part of the city that no one sees.

In this city I learned what it is like, to lose almost everything I own. I learned what it is liked to live on the edge of homelessness. I learned about how people judge, and about power control.  I learned what it is to be faceless, and the necessity of a zip code or to become a number.

Eventually I will leave this city behind, and my book will be published.

The book will be dedicated to the people of the hometown I left behind long ago. They loved me enough to let me go. They taught me about community.

The book will also be dedicated to my parents.

As I write this, a tear falls down my cheek. I miss my Father, so very much. He left us a few short years ago, in his 80’s. My mother is still with us, but someday she will be gone too.

AND NOW

I press on…My prayer is that you will do the same.

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Excerpt, When God Calls A Woman, with Nancy

fort wayne, down town

 

 

 

Revelation; God’s disclosure of himself and his will. (Dictionary.com) 2 Chronicles Chapter 1:9-10

Last night before I closed my eyes for the evening, I began to read 2 Chronicles chapter 1. Verse 9-10, jumped out at me, “Now, LORD God, please keep your promise to David my father, for you have made me king over a people as numerous as the dust of the earth! Give me wisdom and knowledge to rule them properly, for who is able to govern this great nation of yours?”

Now don’t go thinking that I am going to share that I am a king who will rule over a nation or over you. God used this passage to prompt me to pray. As I prayed I asked God to give me his wisdom and knowledge in all that he gives me to do. In my personal and leadership life.

This morning I began my day reading. I read an email that was a question about a book review that I agreed to do. The question arrived with a suddenly for me that had nothing to do with the question. I was not praying. I was not looking for an answer to a question. The suddenly arrived with an answer that I was not seeking. In fact I forgot about my prayer request to God the night before. Have you ever experienced this situation? This is a revelation. It is a morning that God disclosed himself and his will for me.

This involves my big life change that happened 7 years ago. My company closed, my University closed, I could no longer afford my apartment and moved into someone’s basement. Eventually I could no longer afford my car and it was gone too! I was on the edge of homelessness. Everywhere I turned the door slammed in my face. Assistance was available with a few organizations but came with a long list of conditions and requirements.

This morning I realized that although I thought I was doing well a wound was hanging out in the depths of my heart. I felt that what I had to say was no longer important in my country. We value jobs, homes, cars, money in the bank, and all sorts of material stuff. Somehow even though I traveled to preach/teach in other countries, I felt I had no right to speak up in my country including in our churches. I allowed the enemy to silence my voice in my country, because I no longer have what people place value on in the United States. Unfortunately I also allowed the enemy to use the voices of others around me in my city to speak worthlessness into my life. Without realizing it, I took this into my heart and my mind.

I am thankful for the revelation that arrived on the doorstep of my office and in my heart this morning. God disclosed his thinking and heart on this problem in my heart and healed a wound that I did not know existed. In this I find freedom.

1 Peter 5:8 New International Version

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Matthew 6:19-21 New International Version

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Copyright 2015, Nancy Watta, All Rights Reserved